Dee2rites Blog

Tag: mental-health

  • I Didn’t Plan this trip – And the Road Gets Rocky Sometimes

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding” Proverbs 3:5

    Mornings used to be easy. I would get up, take my shower, have my coffee and yogurt. Larry would get up, dress himself and have his cereal. Easy, we’d be out the door to begin our day. Retirement had only changed the time we’d start our day. Until now.

              Larry has worn hearing aids for more than 10 years and has always taken care of them, putting them in his ears in the morning, taking them out at night and putting them in the charger. I was not involved. Until now.

              A few weeks ago, he told me his hearing aids wouldn’t go in right. I looked and saw what the problem was (backwards, wrong ears) and got them in for him. “How’d you do that? I’ve been trying for 30 minutes.” Since then, there have been more times I’ve had to put them in for him because he wasn’t able.

              I know that dementia patients often lose their ability to take care of their personal needs, such as putting in hearing aids or getting dressed. I see that day coming.

              Last week, we had two doctor appointments, the first one at 10 am and a second at the VA at 11 am. I told him the night before that he needed to shower and that I’d be getting him up early to get ready to go because we needed to leave around 9.

              Next morning, he comes into the kitchen dressed in cut-offs, dirty tee-shirt from the day before, flip-flops and his hearing aids are in his pocket. He said okay when I reminded him that we were going to the doctor so he needed to change. He told me his hearing aids wouldn’t go in so I put them in for him. He asked what shirt he should wear, something he’s never done before. As it progressed, I had to completely help him dress and find him some slip-on shoes because he couldn’t get his boots or his tennis shoes on. He’s barely moving. Time is flying by, he has to eat his breakfast, and I still have finish getting dressed. Time to leave, and we’re not ready.

    By the time we finally get out the door, it’s almost time for his first appointment. And we have a 30–45-minute drive, depending on roadwork on Hwy 45. But God, in His sovereignty already knew we would need an extra hour that morning.

    The doctor’s office had called the day before to see if they could move him to 11 am, but I told her no because he had an appointment at the VA at 11. She said that was fine. So, once we were on our way, I called to see if the 11 am appointment was still available and explained we were having a really bad morning. It was, and she changed it for me. No point calling the VA, by the time my call was routed through the VA in Temple to our local clinic, we’d be there.

    I drove straight to the VA clinic, and explained our situation. He only had an appointment with the nurse to check his blood pressure and turn in my chart where I’d recorded it daily for the past month. No problem, the nurse could see him at 1 pm. The ladies behind the counter were kind and sympathetic. I could breathe; I knew God was in control.

              We’re having more morning that start a little slower, he needs a little more help. But there are also mornings that go well, he’s independent in his dressing. I understand that this is just the beginning. So, I will give thanks for the good days, but I will also prepare for the mornings that don’t go well. But no matter what, I will choose to trust God because I know all of our days are in His hands.

    “and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them” Psalm 139:16b Amp. Bible, Classic Edition

    Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Dee

  • Give Yourself Grace

    “Put on, therefore, as choice ones of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humble-mindedness, meekness, long-suffering,

    forbearing one another, and forgiving each other, if any one with any one may have a quarrel, as also the Christ did forgive you — so also ye”

     Colossians 3:13, 14, Young’s Literal Translation

              Growing up in the Baptist Church, I heard a lot about grace. After John 3:16, the first scripture I learned was Ephesians 2:8-9 – “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” I could quote it in my sleep, but I don’t think I really understood grace until much later in my Christian walk. Now I understand that as believers, we have received the grace of God, and we are called to show that same grace to others.

    As full-time care-givers, sometimes the “other” is ourselves. Just as we sometimes got it wrong when our kids were growing up, we’ll get it wrong sometimes now too. I know I do! Some days are harder and longer than others. I get tired and just want to sit in a quiet place and rest. And as soon as I do, he needs me to “fix” the TV and find him the program he wants to watch, even thought he doesn’t know what it is. The temptation can be strong to lash out – “why can’t you remember how to use the remote! It’s the same one we’ve had for years!” Not the best response, tired or not.

     We must learn to forgive ourselves and show not only our loved one who is struggling grace, but grace to ourselves as well. The second definition on the Merriam-Webster dictionary of Grace is: approval, favor, mercy, pardon. The Oxford Dictionary says courteous goodwill. I could use some of that!

    I think sometimes early on, my frustrations over what he can’t do any more stemmed from denial – I didn’t really want to believe that my husband has Alzheimer’s and will never be the same. As I’ve grown into acceptance, I find myself getting less frustrated and more patient. The other side of the coin of acceptance can be depression, but I’ll save that for another day!

    “Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has [freely] forgiven you, so must you also [forgive].”  Colossians 3:13 (Amp Bible, Classic Edition)

    Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Dee

  • I Didn’t Plan This Trip

    I Didn’t Plan This Trip

    “So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.”

    Matt. 6:34 AMPC

    In 2020 my husband and I embarked on a journey we never planned. He was having some problems with his memory, and I had noticed he had difficulty with his thinking occasionally. He was already seeing a VA neurologist for restless legs, so we requested that he be tested. Since this was in the beginning of the Covid shut-down, the VA had cancelled all in-person visits. So, she ordered a brain scan at the local hospital, and a few days later over the phone she confirmed our fears – there were plaque spots on his brain that could indicate dementia. But at that time, she offered no treatment.

              It’s been 5 years now, and so much has changed. The journey we never signed up for. A journey we wouldn’t wish on anyone. Day by day, I’m having to lean on my faith in God and His promises more and more. Some days are better than others. And no two days are the same. That is what this blog is about, our journey. I pray that it will help others who are on the same journey, if nothing else just know you are not alone.

              I have no answers, even his neurologist has no definitive answers. The medications available are limited, and they do not offer a cure, they only offer limited hope that maybe they can slow it down.  The National Institute on Aging says “Alzheimer’s is a progressive disease, where dementia symptoms gradually worsen over a number of years. In its early stages, memory loss is mild, but with late-stage Alzheimer’s, individuals lose the ability to carry on a conversation and respond to their environment.”

              What I know is, Alzheimer’s is a despicable disease. Slowly stealing your loved one from you and your family. If you’re on this journey, you are not alone. I pray that you, and I, find our hope and peace in Jesus Christ.       

    Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Dee