Dee2rites Blog

Tag: life

  • I Didn’t Plan This Journey – Through the Valley

    “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

              The word tells us that man makes his plans but the Lord orders their steps. (“A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps”  Proverbs 16:9)

    To say that the things that we had planned, have changed is a massive understatement. But looking back, I can see God’s hand preparing us for this leg of our journey. When we moved to Richland Springs in 2017 and began remodeling our house, Larry was determined to make it a home I would enjoy, letting me make most of the design decisions. The remodel was long and arduous, we laughed, we argued, we kissed and made up and worked everything out, and in the end we do have a home I enjoy being in. But I didn’t plan to be in it alone.

    After Larry was diagnosed with unspecified dementia, possibly Alzheimer’s, in 2020, we began making long-range plans, thinking that someday way off in the future we would need them. Durable power of attorneys, medical power of attorneys, updated our wills, all the legal paperwork that we might either one need in the future. Even with our finances, he tried to save as much as I would let him so that we would have money for the future.

    Now we have entered another leg of our journey, and when we each reach our destinations, we will be in two different places. Larry will be in glory with his Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, and I will be alone in the home that he created for me.

    To say the events of the past 6 weeks has been traumatic is like saying a train wreck is a unplanned event. Larry had several falls, or if not falls, just found himself somehow in the floor. I was not able to get him up, and had to call for help. He had a severe UTI and three trips to the ER. With each event, his dementia became worse and other symptoms, such as hand tremors, became more and more pronounced. Our daughter, an RN, had first mentioned the possibility of Lewy Bodies disease, and I asked his neurologist about it in July. But he dismissed them as simply being a side effect of one of his medications. It was right after that we had the first trip to the ER with fever and the UTI.

    The first week of August, Larry began to refuse to take his medications, and by the end of that week was refusing to eat or drink. His dementia had taken an ugly turn and he became verbally aggressive and angry. Saturday, August the 6th, our daughter, Rachael, her friend Jay, and our granddaughter Kaylee, were here, and I am so thankful God had put in their hearts to come. We had to call EMS to come and take Larry to the ER again. That trip, the ER doctor saw something that others had not. He said “I’m not a neurologist, but it looks to me like he has Lewy Bodies Disease with Parkinson’s”. When I looked it up online and began to read about Lewy Bodies, it was like reading a checklist of all of Larry’s symptoms, going back to 2015 when he was diagnosed with severe Restless Legs, also a symptom of Lewey Bodies. I had told the doctors that he had no sense of smell, and they did not see that as anything significant. But it’s one of the early signs of Lewy Bodies. A VA nurse, and Rachael, also an RN, had been concerned that Larry had Orthostatic hypotension. But no doctor ever put that with his dementia, even though it is one symptom of Lewey Bodies disease. Reading the symptoms of this horrible disease was like reading a checklist of everything that Larry has been through for the past 10 years. How is it that an RN, and an ER doctor, were able to see and put together all the clues that three neurologist that had seen Larry over 10 years had failed put together? To say I’ve lost faith in our Healthcare system is kind of like saying I don’t believe in Santa Claus.

    When Larry left the hospital a week later, we had to move him to a nursing home because it was no longer safe for him or me for me to take care of him at home alone. And since then, he has continued to decline. When I have seen him there has only been two times that he recognized me and knew that I was there. Most of the time he was lost in his own little world. And now his condition has taken another drastic turn downward. As of this past weekend, he is no longer able to eat, to chew, or even drink from a straw. The fear is that he will aspirate on his food or drink if we try to force him.

    I had not been able to drive to go see him for a week, because I had to have surgery on my wrist that I broke while he was in the hospital. But I had planned to drive myself to see him yesterday, Monday September 29th, but my pastors, Cynthia and Tom Brand, sent me a text that morning and said they wanted to take me to lunch and then take me to go see Larry. I had a plan but God knew it was not the right plan. I am so thankful they were there with me.

    After visiting with the hospice nurse I had to make the decision I wasn’t prepared for yet – am I ready to discontinue his other drugs, which he had not been able to take except in liquid form, and have them only administer comfort drugs to keep him comfortable. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I know it is for his best to let him go. He never opened his eyes or seemed to know that we were there. But I was able to talk to him, touch him, and tell him I loved him. Bro Tom knelt with me on the floor by his bed and prayed, for Larry to be comforted and not suffer any pain.

    I talked to our kids last night after I got home, and even though their lives are full and busy, they are coming this weekend to see their dad one more time. I don’t know how long it will be that he is still on Earth, but I will take comfort in knowing that where he will be in the end is far better than anything here. And I can look forward to see him one day over there.

              “We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.” 2 Corinthians 5:8

    Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Dee

  • I Didn’t Plan This Trip – Cold Coffee

    “Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end.

    They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!

    I say: The Lord is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in Him.”

    Lamentations 3:22-24 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

              My favorite time of day used to be early mornings, when I would be the only one up. I’d enjoy a nice cup of coffee, or sometimes hot tea, while I read my Bible and prayed. I still enjoy those things, but not always in the usual way I used to know. Some days are easier than others, and some days are difficult to say the least. The best days are the ones when we don’t have to be anywhere, and can just take the day as it comes.

              I make my coffee, and about that time Larry puts the dog out of the bedroom because she’s wanting out. I open the dog door to let her out and feed her, put Larry’s bowl for cereal on the island and unload the dishwasher. A few minutes later, he’s up and usually needs a little help with shoes and socks. We get that done, and it’s time for breakfast. If we get the bowl of cereal and milk to the table without spilling, that’s a plus! Otherwise, I’m moping at least part of the kitchen floor.

              After he’s had his breakfast and taken his morning meds, he usually settles on the couch and watches reruns of M.A.S.H. or Andy Griffin. I shower and dress while he’s not needing me. At last, I’m ready for my day. But first I need to carry out garbage. And finish cleaning the kitchen. Oh yeah, I need to decide what to make for dinner and set something out to thaw. I make the beds because a nicely made bed makes me feel good about one thing being done well today.

              As I leave the bedroom to go to my workspace or the office, I see my cup of coffee sitting on the side table where I’d left it to go let the dog out. It’s cold by now. But hey, it’s summer, I’ll just add some ice and pretend I’d planned it that way.

              “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way.” Psalm 37:23 (NKJV)

    Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Dee

  • When I Saw my Daddy Cry

    When I Saw my Daddy Cry

              “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13

    “A righteous man regards the life of his animal, But the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.” Proverbs 12:10

              With all the recent flooding in Texas, my heart aches for the families who have lost loved ones, or have loved ones still missing. Locally, there were no fatalities, Praise God! But many families have been displaced due to flood damage in their homes, some losing everything; farmers and ranchers missing livestock, and I can’t help but remember a time when the rain devastated our family.

              When Mother and Daddy married in 1949, Daddy was a cowboy, working for other people in San Saba County. In 1953 they moved to McCulloch County, and Daddy went to work for a rancher there. He leased a farm near Rochelle where we lived until 1958 when Daddy and Mother borrowed money to buy the farm, which we still have, just north of Richland Springs. The Richland Creek ran along the South side of the property.

              One weekend in the Summer of 1959, my Mother, my baby sister and I, went to visit my Granny for the weekend in Cisco. While we were gone, heavy rains came and the Richland Creek rose up until it was covered most of the cotton field.

              Only as an adult looking back can I understand the sense of loss my Dad was feeling. He had to make an annual land payment, plus he’d borrowed money to plant the cotton. Now that crop was wiped out. I remember sitting on the front porch with my Daddy, looking out at the flooded field and seeing his tears fall as he whispered, “I’ve lost it all”.  I’d never seen my Daddy cry, until that day.

              But he was a man who believed in the goodness of God, and even in the worst of times, which this was only one, he never lost his faith. I don’t remember the details of the next few weeks and months, but I only know we always had what we needed. We never missed church and we always put in offering to God.

              What I learned from my Daddy, is that God is always there and He is always good. Even when our prayers seem like they aren’t heard, God is there and He is always good.

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

    “The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him.” Psalm 28:7

    Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Dee

  • I Didn’t Plan this trip – And the Road Gets Rocky Sometimes

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding” Proverbs 3:5

    Mornings used to be easy. I would get up, take my shower, have my coffee and yogurt. Larry would get up, dress himself and have his cereal. Easy, we’d be out the door to begin our day. Retirement had only changed the time we’d start our day. Until now.

              Larry has worn hearing aids for more than 10 years and has always taken care of them, putting them in his ears in the morning, taking them out at night and putting them in the charger. I was not involved. Until now.

              A few weeks ago, he told me his hearing aids wouldn’t go in right. I looked and saw what the problem was (backwards, wrong ears) and got them in for him. “How’d you do that? I’ve been trying for 30 minutes.” Since then, there have been more times I’ve had to put them in for him because he wasn’t able.

              I know that dementia patients often lose their ability to take care of their personal needs, such as putting in hearing aids or getting dressed. I see that day coming.

              Last week, we had two doctor appointments, the first one at 10 am and a second at the VA at 11 am. I told him the night before that he needed to shower and that I’d be getting him up early to get ready to go because we needed to leave around 9.

              Next morning, he comes into the kitchen dressed in cut-offs, dirty tee-shirt from the day before, flip-flops and his hearing aids are in his pocket. He said okay when I reminded him that we were going to the doctor so he needed to change. He told me his hearing aids wouldn’t go in so I put them in for him. He asked what shirt he should wear, something he’s never done before. As it progressed, I had to completely help him dress and find him some slip-on shoes because he couldn’t get his boots or his tennis shoes on. He’s barely moving. Time is flying by, he has to eat his breakfast, and I still have finish getting dressed. Time to leave, and we’re not ready.

    By the time we finally get out the door, it’s almost time for his first appointment. And we have a 30–45-minute drive, depending on roadwork on Hwy 45. But God, in His sovereignty already knew we would need an extra hour that morning.

    The doctor’s office had called the day before to see if they could move him to 11 am, but I told her no because he had an appointment at the VA at 11. She said that was fine. So, once we were on our way, I called to see if the 11 am appointment was still available and explained we were having a really bad morning. It was, and she changed it for me. No point calling the VA, by the time my call was routed through the VA in Temple to our local clinic, we’d be there.

    I drove straight to the VA clinic, and explained our situation. He only had an appointment with the nurse to check his blood pressure and turn in my chart where I’d recorded it daily for the past month. No problem, the nurse could see him at 1 pm. The ladies behind the counter were kind and sympathetic. I could breathe; I knew God was in control.

              We’re having more morning that start a little slower, he needs a little more help. But there are also mornings that go well, he’s independent in his dressing. I understand that this is just the beginning. So, I will give thanks for the good days, but I will also prepare for the mornings that don’t go well. But no matter what, I will choose to trust God because I know all of our days are in His hands.

    “and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them” Psalm 139:16b Amp. Bible, Classic Edition

    Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Dee