Dee2rites Blog

Tag: Alzheimer’s

  • I Didn’t Plan This Trip – Friends Along the Way

    “A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

              We’ve been blessed with many good friends throughout the years, many of whom we’ve kept contact with over time, even if only through Facebook. But there are a few who were special, and some of them have gone on to be with the Lord.

              When we lived in Lubbock, Larry became friends with his brother from another Mother at church. Brent, like Larry, loved bow hunting and they became hunting buddies, which is a whole other level of friendship. Brent taught Larry the fine art of bow fishing. After we moved to Plano, Brent and his family moved to New Orleans, and they continued to take bow hunting trips to New Mexico every January, and Larry would go to  New Orleans so they could enter bow fishing tournaments.

              Brent was exactly the friend Larry needed when they met. Brent was a very godly man, and was an example to Larry of what it meant to be a man of God. Brent was Larry’s confident, and Larry shared his doubts and struggles with him, and Brent always had Biblical answers and would pray over him. (I only learned this after Brent passed.)

    Then, in the summer of 2005, Brent was in a terrible auto accident that left him a paraplegic and no longer to do the things he loved. He was on his way to Lubbock from New Orleans when the accident happened, and the closest trauma hospital was in Ft Worth. He spent months in the hospital, and finally was able to be moved to the Baylor Rehab in Dallas. On October 19th, Larry fell off the roof of a 2-story house where he was working in Dallas. The ambulance took him to Baylor Hospital downtown Dallas.  When Brent heard about Larry’s accident and that he was in the hospital, he got his son to escort him, in his new motorized wheelchair, from the Rehab hospital to the main hospital to see Larry. A true friend in time of need. Brent’s family moved back to Lubbock, closer to their extended family, when Brent finally was dismissed from the Rehab hospital. A few years later, he moved on to heaven, and Larry grieved his friend.

    Another good friend Larry met when we moved back to Central Texas. Larry Smith was also a very godly man, a leader in our new church. And he was a hunter! Finally after twelve years, Larry had another hunting buddy! I don’t think they had the same level of friendship that Larry had with Brent, but Larry S. and his precious wife Alice took us under their wing when we were new members at church and helped us feel a part of the body there. Sadly, Larry S. graduated to glory in 2020, and a short time later Alice moved back to Ohio where her daughter lived and she had other family.

    Then there was Jim, who was married to my best friend, Lorna. When Larry lost his job, Jim was there for him, inviting him over to help with the pool table he was building. And as soon as it was finished, Jim regularly had Larry over to play pool. Another friend in time of need.

    If I were to talk about every person God has brought into our lives, this post would be way too long. But, even now, as we’re walking through this hard time of life, God is blessing us with true friends. My circle of friends at church are so special, allowing me to cry on their shoulders at times, and praying with me always.  There is one couple who always invite us to sit with them when we all go out to lunch after church, even though they understand Larry can’t carry on a normal conversation, partly because he can’t hear well in noisy places, and partly he can’t always remember what he wants to say.

    But even as precious as all these people are, and many many others as well, have been, there is One who has always been here with us, and has promised to never to leave us, Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. I rely on my friends for support, but in the dark hours of the night, it is Jesus Who I call on for guidance, comfort, and peace.

    “…but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”  Proverbs 18:24b

    Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Dee

  • I Didn’t Plan This Trip – I Just Don’t Have the Words

    I Didn’t Plan This Trip – I Just Don’t Have the Words

    “Give ear to my words, O Lord, Consider my meditation.

    Give heed to the voice of my cry, My King and my God, For to You I will pray.

    My voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look up.” Psalm 5:1-3 (NKJV)

              “I just don’t have the words” – how many time do we say that phrase meaning we just can’t explain what we saw or experienced. Perhaps it was too beautiful to describe, such as the majestic Rocky Mountains. Perhaps it was something miraculous, such as seeing someone healed. Or too horrible to describe, like the aftermath of a tornado or hurricane. There is another reason – we actually forget or lose words. This is called Aphasia.

    Aphasia can be mild and normal as we age. Talking to a friend, we may not be able to recall the name of a person or place, but only later to have it come back to mind. No cause for alarm, it’s common in older adults. But for the person with Dementia, it’s much more serious.

    “Difficulty with language and communication (Aphasia), is a common symptom in dementia, especially as the condition progresses. It arises from the damage to language-processing areas of the brain caused by dementia. This can manifest as problems understanding or using language, including difficulty finding words, forming sentences, and understanding what others say.” (Google)

    This is where we are.

    When Larry and I were first married, he was the outgoing one. The person who talked to everyone at church or social events. I’m naturally introverted, and have always been uncomfortable at parties and social events. Even with family, he was the one joking and teasing. He especially loved teasing my Mother, and she loved teasing back. Dad and I were content to listen on the perimeter. Larry made friends easily and with most everyone he met. I had fewer, but closer, friendships. He was a natural born salesman because of his outgoing personality.

    As the Alzheimer’s has progressed, he has become quieter. He still enjoys going to church every Sunday, and wants to get there early so he can have a cup of coffee with the guys. And he enjoys going to the Men’s Bible study on Wednesday evenings when I can take him. But he’s the quiet one now.

    I was updating my sister and cousins on a Zoom call last Saturday about Larry’s condition, and my sister said that when she and her husband visited us last July, she noticed that Larry wasn’t as outgoing as he used to be. And there it is. Because he can’t always find the right words, or form a cohesive sentence, he just stays quiet. I’ve noticed that often when someone says something to him, he just laughs (sometimes inappropriately!) and I believe that’s because he didn’t comprehend what was being said.

    And that is the other side of the coin – Comprehension. There are days that I have trouble explaining something to him. He just can’t understand the meaning of the words I’m saying. I’m learning to use shorter sentences because if I give too much information at once, he’s forgotten the first part of what I said the time I finish.

    This is something else we’ve lost on this trip. Our ability to communicate. There used to be a time when we could almost finish one another’s sentences, we were so in sync. We talked about everything – the kids, church, politics and what was going on in the country. We said “I love you” frequently, at least once a day. What I miss the most is talking in bed at night before we kissed goodnight and fell asleep.

    Part of my prayer for myself is that I can be patient when I need to be patient in communicating with Larry on his bad days, especially in the evenings.

    ” (I pray) that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy.”  Colossians 1:10-11

    Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Dee

  • I Didn’t Plan this trip – And the Road Gets Rocky Sometimes

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding” Proverbs 3:5

    Mornings used to be easy. I would get up, take my shower, have my coffee and yogurt. Larry would get up, dress himself and have his cereal. Easy, we’d be out the door to begin our day. Retirement had only changed the time we’d start our day. Until now.

              Larry has worn hearing aids for more than 10 years and has always taken care of them, putting them in his ears in the morning, taking them out at night and putting them in the charger. I was not involved. Until now.

              A few weeks ago, he told me his hearing aids wouldn’t go in right. I looked and saw what the problem was (backwards, wrong ears) and got them in for him. “How’d you do that? I’ve been trying for 30 minutes.” Since then, there have been more times I’ve had to put them in for him because he wasn’t able.

              I know that dementia patients often lose their ability to take care of their personal needs, such as putting in hearing aids or getting dressed. I see that day coming.

              Last week, we had two doctor appointments, the first one at 10 am and a second at the VA at 11 am. I told him the night before that he needed to shower and that I’d be getting him up early to get ready to go because we needed to leave around 9.

              Next morning, he comes into the kitchen dressed in cut-offs, dirty tee-shirt from the day before, flip-flops and his hearing aids are in his pocket. He said okay when I reminded him that we were going to the doctor so he needed to change. He told me his hearing aids wouldn’t go in so I put them in for him. He asked what shirt he should wear, something he’s never done before. As it progressed, I had to completely help him dress and find him some slip-on shoes because he couldn’t get his boots or his tennis shoes on. He’s barely moving. Time is flying by, he has to eat his breakfast, and I still have finish getting dressed. Time to leave, and we’re not ready.

    By the time we finally get out the door, it’s almost time for his first appointment. And we have a 30–45-minute drive, depending on roadwork on Hwy 45. But God, in His sovereignty already knew we would need an extra hour that morning.

    The doctor’s office had called the day before to see if they could move him to 11 am, but I told her no because he had an appointment at the VA at 11. She said that was fine. So, once we were on our way, I called to see if the 11 am appointment was still available and explained we were having a really bad morning. It was, and she changed it for me. No point calling the VA, by the time my call was routed through the VA in Temple to our local clinic, we’d be there.

    I drove straight to the VA clinic, and explained our situation. He only had an appointment with the nurse to check his blood pressure and turn in my chart where I’d recorded it daily for the past month. No problem, the nurse could see him at 1 pm. The ladies behind the counter were kind and sympathetic. I could breathe; I knew God was in control.

              We’re having more morning that start a little slower, he needs a little more help. But there are also mornings that go well, he’s independent in his dressing. I understand that this is just the beginning. So, I will give thanks for the good days, but I will also prepare for the mornings that don’t go well. But no matter what, I will choose to trust God because I know all of our days are in His hands.

    “and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them” Psalm 139:16b Amp. Bible, Classic Edition

    Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Dee

  • Give Yourself Grace

    “Put on, therefore, as choice ones of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humble-mindedness, meekness, long-suffering,

    forbearing one another, and forgiving each other, if any one with any one may have a quarrel, as also the Christ did forgive you — so also ye”

     Colossians 3:13, 14, Young’s Literal Translation

              Growing up in the Baptist Church, I heard a lot about grace. After John 3:16, the first scripture I learned was Ephesians 2:8-9 – “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” I could quote it in my sleep, but I don’t think I really understood grace until much later in my Christian walk. Now I understand that as believers, we have received the grace of God, and we are called to show that same grace to others.

    As full-time care-givers, sometimes the “other” is ourselves. Just as we sometimes got it wrong when our kids were growing up, we’ll get it wrong sometimes now too. I know I do! Some days are harder and longer than others. I get tired and just want to sit in a quiet place and rest. And as soon as I do, he needs me to “fix” the TV and find him the program he wants to watch, even thought he doesn’t know what it is. The temptation can be strong to lash out – “why can’t you remember how to use the remote! It’s the same one we’ve had for years!” Not the best response, tired or not.

     We must learn to forgive ourselves and show not only our loved one who is struggling grace, but grace to ourselves as well. The second definition on the Merriam-Webster dictionary of Grace is: approval, favor, mercy, pardon. The Oxford Dictionary says courteous goodwill. I could use some of that!

    I think sometimes early on, my frustrations over what he can’t do any more stemmed from denial – I didn’t really want to believe that my husband has Alzheimer’s and will never be the same. As I’ve grown into acceptance, I find myself getting less frustrated and more patient. The other side of the coin of acceptance can be depression, but I’ll save that for another day!

    “Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has [freely] forgiven you, so must you also [forgive].”  Colossians 3:13 (Amp Bible, Classic Edition)

    Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Dee

  • I Didn’t Plan This Trip

    I Didn’t Plan This Trip

    “So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.”

    Matt. 6:34 AMPC

    In 2020 my husband and I embarked on a journey we never planned. He was having some problems with his memory, and I had noticed he had difficulty with his thinking occasionally. He was already seeing a VA neurologist for restless legs, so we requested that he be tested. Since this was in the beginning of the Covid shut-down, the VA had cancelled all in-person visits. So, she ordered a brain scan at the local hospital, and a few days later over the phone she confirmed our fears – there were plaque spots on his brain that could indicate dementia. But at that time, she offered no treatment.

              It’s been 5 years now, and so much has changed. The journey we never signed up for. A journey we wouldn’t wish on anyone. Day by day, I’m having to lean on my faith in God and His promises more and more. Some days are better than others. And no two days are the same. That is what this blog is about, our journey. I pray that it will help others who are on the same journey, if nothing else just know you are not alone.

              I have no answers, even his neurologist has no definitive answers. The medications available are limited, and they do not offer a cure, they only offer limited hope that maybe they can slow it down.  The National Institute on Aging says “Alzheimer’s is a progressive disease, where dementia symptoms gradually worsen over a number of years. In its early stages, memory loss is mild, but with late-stage Alzheimer’s, individuals lose the ability to carry on a conversation and respond to their environment.”

              What I know is, Alzheimer’s is a despicable disease. Slowly stealing your loved one from you and your family. If you’re on this journey, you are not alone. I pray that you, and I, find our hope and peace in Jesus Christ.       

    Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Dee