I Didn’t Plan This Trip – I Just Don’t Have the Words

“Give ear to my words, O Lord, Consider my meditation.

Give heed to the voice of my cry, My King and my God, For to You I will pray.

My voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look up.” Psalm 5:1-3 (NKJV)

          “I just don’t have the words” – how many time do we say that phrase meaning we just can’t explain what we saw or experienced. Perhaps it was too beautiful to describe, such as the majestic Rocky Mountains. Perhaps it was something miraculous, such as seeing someone healed. Or too horrible to describe, like the aftermath of a tornado or hurricane. There is another reason – we actually forget or lose words. This is called Aphasia.

Aphasia can be mild and normal as we age. Talking to a friend, we may not be able to recall the name of a person or place, but only later to have it come back to mind. No cause for alarm, it’s common in older adults. But for the person with Dementia, it’s much more serious.

“Difficulty with language and communication (Aphasia), is a common symptom in dementia, especially as the condition progresses. It arises from the damage to language-processing areas of the brain caused by dementia. This can manifest as problems understanding or using language, including difficulty finding words, forming sentences, and understanding what others say.” (Google)

This is where we are.

When Larry and I were first married, he was the outgoing one. The person who talked to everyone at church or social events. I’m naturally introverted, and have always been uncomfortable at parties and social events. Even with family, he was the one joking and teasing. He especially loved teasing my Mother, and she loved teasing back. Dad and I were content to listen on the perimeter. Larry made friends easily and with most everyone he met. I had fewer, but closer, friendships. He was a natural born salesman because of his outgoing personality.

As the Alzheimer’s has progressed, he has become quieter. He still enjoys going to church every Sunday, and wants to get there early so he can have a cup of coffee with the guys. And he enjoys going to the Men’s Bible study on Wednesday evenings when I can take him. But he’s the quiet one now.

I was updating my sister and cousins on a Zoom call last Saturday about Larry’s condition, and my sister said that when she and her husband visited us last July, she noticed that Larry wasn’t as outgoing as he used to be. And there it is. Because he can’t always find the right words, or form a cohesive sentence, he just stays quiet. I’ve noticed that often when someone says something to him, he just laughs (sometimes inappropriately!) and I believe that’s because he didn’t comprehend what was being said.

And that is the other side of the coin – Comprehension. There are days that I have trouble explaining something to him. He just can’t understand the meaning of the words I’m saying. I’m learning to use shorter sentences because if I give too much information at once, he’s forgotten the first part of what I said the time I finish.

This is something else we’ve lost on this trip. Our ability to communicate. There used to be a time when we could almost finish one another’s sentences, we were so in sync. We talked about everything – the kids, church, politics and what was going on in the country. We said “I love you” frequently, at least once a day. What I miss the most is talking in bed at night before we kissed goodnight and fell asleep.

Part of my prayer for myself is that I can be patient when I need to be patient in communicating with Larry on his bad days, especially in the evenings.

” (I pray) that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy.”  Colossians 1:10-11

Peace and blessings in our Lord Jesus Christ,

Dee